No, not me, my blog. I’m in the midst of blog confusion. What purpose does my blog have? Why do I write it? What is the personality of this blog? Am I trying to be someone I’m not? Does any of this really matter in light of the current economy? Wait, I don’t think the economy has squat diddly to do with my blog.
When I started this blogging adventure I didn’t know a single person who had a blog, unless you count Beth Moore and we aren’t exactly chatting-on-the-phone-girlfriends. Not that I wouldn’t love to talk with Beth, but I just don’t have her number – go figure. Back to the blogging thing.
Blogging sounded fun. So I did it. And I stuck with it. That alone is a miracle. Let me put it this way, I LOVE starting projects. I LOVE ending projects, it’s that dreaded middle that gets me every time.
I expected my blog to be a place to write about the publishing process and my upcoming book. Thomas Nelson canceled my book. No more talk about that.
I never expected the blog to be a place to build life-changing friendships. It is. I’ve met some incredible women who’ve become dear friends. Girlfriends.
I love how the Lord has taken what I intended to use for the book He gave me, the book about girlfriends, the book that is now looking for a new home, and used it for something more. Something that just blesses my socks off. I never thought I’d read blog posts that moved me to tears or to my knees – but I do.
I never thought I’d look forward to hanging out with a bunch of women I met on the Internet — but I do.
I never thought that I’d be blessed through a blog — but I am.
This wonderful world of Bloggyland has blessed me and continues to bless me. But I struggle with it at times. Okay, more than at times. I struggle.
I love reading blogs, writing blog posts, and posting comments. As I get to know more people in Bloggyland, I catch myself writing posts for approval. I want to be liked. There it is. I said it. My name is Mary and I’m a people pleaser. I want people to like me and I struggle with that.
I wanted the ability to turn a phrase of BooMama, the fashion sense of BigMama, the teaching style of Beth Moore, the grace of Melinda Garman, the ability the speak truth over a situation with grace of Kim and Georgia Jan. I wanted the wit Robyn, the peace of Lisa Whittle, and enthusiasm of Fran and Angie . I wanted the grace of Tammy and the laughter of Jenny. And the list goes on and on and on.
I was so focused on trying to be like other bloggers that I forgot to be me. Felt like high school all over again. I was losing myself in all the confusion.
I wanted my blog to be filled with humor and powerful teaching like Lisa’s, I wanted the readers of The Pioneer Woman, I wanted the giveaways of Shannon. I Want. I Want. I Want. Notice a pattern here? I finally did. I am not Big Mama or Boo Mama or the Pioneer Woman. God has not called me to be Lisa Whittle, Melina Garman or Beth Moore. I’m me. Slightly frazzled, but usually optimistic dreamer who loves the Lord, her family, her girlfriends and adventure.
Why do I so want to be all these other people? I wouldn’t be a good Robyn. I’d make a really crappy Fran. And I just don’t see myself as a Preacher’s Wife like Lisa. And there is only one Beth Moore – AND there’s only one me. And girl, there’s only one you.
I’m going to stop “wanting” away the blessings of the Lord. I’ve been so focused on trying to impress people (more trying than impressing) that I’m missing out on who God is calling me to be. And He’s blessed me beyond measure! And I don’t know about y’all, but I don’t want to miss one bit of a blessing.
So, I’ll continue to LOVE my time in Bloggyland and I’ll read and comment on other blogs. I’ll enjoy these bloggers for who they are and not try to be like them. I’ll write my blog posts and I’m even writing about my favorite places. Not just the normal stuff like I’ve been doing, but the geeky off-the-beaten path places that have lots of character. Like Elkmont (in the Great Smoky Mtns), the Life Saving Stations on the Outer Banks, and more. But that’s me. I just love that stuff.
I’ll probably go from writing something incredibly lame and silly to something the Lord lays on my heart to share. Hope you’ll stick around. But if not , don’t tell me. I’m a recovering people pleaser and my insecure self can’t handle that rejection stuff.