We just returned from eight days in the West – specifically Grand Tetons & Yellowstone National Park.  Our first stop was Colter Bay in the Grand Tetons where we stayed three days in a rustic cabin and I loved it.  The views were breath taking, the internet was non-existent (unless you went to the camp lounge which was down a hill and through the snow – literally).

I learned that I can survive without being  ‘connected’ to the virtual world and in that disconnect I found a deeper connection to God.

How easy it is to get caught up in the rush-rush world I live in.  Deadlines, immediate needs, and constant activity.  No such thing at Colter Bay.  No television, minimal cell service, and my smart phone was just …. well, worthless as a communication device.  The air is thinner (at almost 7000 feet above sea level), the weather is cooler and the sun is stronger – and I’m calmer. 

Slowing down made me think about what I put before God.  So much.  And I justify it as ‘ministry’ or ‘worthy.’  I’m learning that ANYTHING I place before Him is an idol and in the WRONG place –be it my blogging, speaking, teaching,  writing, church,  my friends and even my family.  He is FIRST, always and in all ways.

Just a glance at this amazing creation, the creation of His Hands, shows me He is God and He is worthy of ALL PRAISE.  It’s my honor and my joy to praise Him and to put Him above ALL things in my life.  Sometimes it takes going to a place that is so removed from my everyday life to remind me of this.

Where is God in your life?  Is He above ALL?

Recently, I read a blog post  by Amanda that sent me reeling.  The post made me consider why I do what I do. 

Do I write, teach and speak because I’m called?  Do I do it for God’s glory and His glory alone?  Or do I do it to GET something?  And if so, what am I getting? 

I would LOVE to sit here and tell you I ALWAYS do it for God’s glory and nothing else.  I would LOVE to say that every word I’ve written, every word I’ve spoken before a group has ALL been for His glory and His alone – but I can’t.  It would be a HUGE lie. 

I struggled with writing this post.  I worried that you or you or that girl over there… you see her?  She’s the one looking for a speaker for her women’s event.  I was worried y’all would read this and think ‘we don’t want her.‘  And this fear of not being good  enough has paralyzed me – it’s made reconsider my words on this place, but enough of that mess.  Let’s get real.

I’ve written and spoke when the glory I wanted was my own.  I stood on my own strength and fallen FLAT on my face because of it.  I’ve spent time down in the ditches and pits of life because of my own pride.  And do NOT want to repeat any of this ever again. 

But I go back to that original question – am I doing this for His Glory or for my own? 

I WANT it to be ALL for His glory and His alone.  It’s my prayer and the cry of my heart.  Before I open my mouth to speak before a group, I’ve begged the Lord to show me my pride and to show me how to put Him above all else.  I’ve prayed that every word from my mouth be for His glory and not my advancement. 

I pray for discernment, wisdom, guidance and humility – regularly.  But am I doing this because He’s called me to proclaim His glory? 

It’s a question I want to ponder over the next few days and weeks – but let me ask you, why do you BLANK (fill in the blank  with your thing – teach Sunday School, serve in Women’s ministry, blog, write, speak, serve)?

I’m on a journey.  No, not a cruise or a conference this time.  This is a different type of journey – there aren’t any boarding passes for me to lose or hotel keys to misplace.  This is a very personal journey about some of my junk. 

Junk that I need to GET OUT of my life.  Junk that is cluttering up my vision and distracting me from life in Jesus – from ABUNDANT life in Jesus.

Today I was reading through a book/ bible study I’m using on this journey and this question hit me:

Are you praying for God to remove this from your life?

Am I?  No.  I’m not.  I like it here in this comfortable place.  I don’t want to be uncomfortable.  I don’t want to do a NEW thing, I’m just going to be okay with this thing. 

As long as I don’t pray, I can just tell myself it’s no big deal.

I don’t pray about it because to pray would be admitting there is  problem.  As long as I don’t admit it, I don’t have to face it, right? 

Wrong.  Sadly, very wrong and that’s why I’m walking this thing out today, right now, in the light. 

I’ve taken up a challenge to make a change.  This first thing that I have to change is my heart.  I have this for myself as much as I know the Lord (and these sweet friends) want it for me. I have to want it even when it’s hard and when I’m sad and when I’m hurting. 

I have to want to change before the Lord can change me. 

I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I want to all the time.  I want to sometimes – mostly when I stand on the scales or have to put on two pairs of Spanx (yes it’s doable) to wear the dress that was baggy last year.

So am I praying that the Lord will fix my ‘want to.’ 

I’m praying that tomorrow I will get up and want to do this thing.  But even if I don’t, I’ll still move forward and I’ll keep praying that that Lord will change my heart and make my ways more like His. 

After all, that is the plan.

Do you ever wonder? I do, all the time. I wonder about all kinds of things. I wonder why I can’t grow an azalea worth a flip – come on, it’s an azalea bush. It seems every house in Alabama has a great azalea bush, except mine. My azalea bushes are spindly and homely looking with only a few pitiful blooms. We won’t even discuss my attempt at pruning.

I wonder why it takes so darn long to cook anything really good – like a roast. I wonder why honeysuckles only bloom for such a short time – and weeds grow year ‘round. I wonder why if I’m in a running late (which is more often than it should be) I end up trailing a school bus or get behind Pa Kettle taking the tractor out for a spin.

I wonder why no matter how much I read the map and believe I know where I’m going, I will always have to turn around – at least once. I wonder why vacations seem to start so slow (we have five whole days) and end so fast (where did the time go?)

There’s so much I wonder about. I wonder why I didn’t appreciate being in my twenties as much as I should – looking back I realize I looked pretty good and had so much going for me. Now, I’m in my forties and I am appreciating the heck out of them.

I wonder why being a mom is so hard, and I still love doing it – most of the time. I wonder why it seems like only a couple of years ago my girls were playing dress-up in the living room, but it’s been over ten years since those days. Today one is married and the other is 15.

I wonder why I find time to read books, follow multiple TV shows, and open hundreds of emails but I struggle to find time to spend with the Lord. I wonder why I forget – so quickly – how wonderful it is to just spend time reading God’s Word. I think I may have an answer for this one – priority. I chose what is important to me and if I don’t make time with the Lord important in my life then I don’t find time for it.

I picked up a Bible study by Kelly Minter, No Other Gods and I’ve loved it. I’m not doing it with a group – I’m just working through it on my own, but what a blessing it has been to me. How easily we fall into placing idols in our lives – and I think the most eye-opening piece for me (and so much of this study has been eye-opening and heart –wrenching) is that idols are not always BAD things like drugs, alcohol, adultery, and all that other bad stuff that is floating around in our world. Sometimes an idol is a good thing like church work, family, husband, friends, work and other noble and worthy actions.

I’ve known this concept for years, but somehow this study encouraged me to dig into God’s word about idols and not to just dismiss the whole concept because I know that I know that I know I shouldn’t have idols in my life. And back to my wondering mind….

I wonder why I have idols in my life – not the bad idols but the good stuff idols, that people at they are impressed with. Is that why I do it? I don’t know, but I do know that I’m learning to look to the Lord for my direction and not to people. I’m learning to consider what His will is for my life instead of what will make people happy. I’m so glad that I serve a Grace giving God. I’m clinging to this verse:

But He gives more grace. Therefore He says:
“God resists
the proud,
But
gives grace to the humble.”
James 4:6

Grace – He gives grace to the humble. That’s where I want to be – among the humble. That doesn’t mean I can’t laugh and have a blast or that I have to stand around with my head hanging low, nope not at all. I’m just looking to the Lord for my direction and focusing on Him. I’m serving the Most High and that’s humbling. I’m honored and astounded that the Most High would want to use me – this frazzled, faulty, mistake making mess of a woman – but for some reason He sees something in me that I don’t. I wonder why?

I know He sees something in you, too. I encourage you to spend time with Him today and ask Him where He wants your focus. Look to Him for your direction. Look to Him for the path you should take. And most of all, sisters, look to the Lord to know when to say NO and to step down. Ask yourself this question — for whose glory am I serving?

Keep looking to Him for the direction — He will make your paths straight.